At least one conversation you’ve had this week has started with: “So…Cristiano Ronaldo, huh?”
The mercurial forward is making his own headlines in the wake of his bombshell sit-in interview with Piers Morgan. Oh, what a joy it is to see these two completely self-aware beings from man to man before our very eyes.
Ronaldo has put a lot of finger-pointing on why his career is on the decline, and he gave us his ‘Who’s to blame?’ Encouraged to revive. There’s never been a better time for the series to shake it up.
Here are the 30 main things responsible for Ronaldo’s demise and his recent brain meltdown – ranked.
you did it /gettyimages/gettyimages
For some reason, Ronaldo’s father was obsessed with former US president and global superstar Ronald Reagan.
This added to Cristiano’s full name.
Great.
A legend of the game / Alessandro Sabatini / Getty Images
A name like this will obviously draw comparisons to Ronaldo Nazario in the future.
Ronaldo will be the only former world champion.
What I want to know about this Mbappe photo is: How did he get into Ronaldo’s bedroom? pic.twitter.com/I87V2kfIad
— Tom Williams (@tomwfootball) June 30, 2018
Compared to the current Ronaldo, Kylian Mbappe had an unhealthy obsession with CR7.
This has undoubtedly boosted his ego in recent years.
This might be the worst ad I’ve ever seen… #Shopee #Ronaldo pic.twitter.com/0QjlgkNIw5
— Simon Needle (@simonneedle) August 16, 2019
Did you really need the money, lady?
It’s hard to blame a child for their father’s failings, but I’m going to give him a good job anyway.
Maybe if Junior wasn’t so amazing at soccer himself (ref: Cristiano Ronaldo Sr.), his dad might have stopped trying to be an on-pitch role model for him by now.
(This requires some workshop.)
The new Cristiano Ronaldo statue outside the airport in Madeira… Looks like something I might have made for a GCSE art class, when I got D. Found pic.twitter.com/JxYBzX8H5N
— John Bennett (@JohnBennettBBC) March 29, 2017
“Good Lord, what’s going on there?”
Nominated by 90 Minutes Jack Gallagher/Getty Images/Getty Images
Neil Quinn was scoring before Ronaldo could tie his boots.
He has really rattled these cheaters, love to see him. https://t.co/es4Ua5DZyD
— 🇵🇹 (@UTD_Cristiano) November 16, 2022
Social media has created many bad things in this world.
Users who sit behind a keyboard and defend Ronaldo for no good reason call you a ‘fraud’. They have only fueled his ego.
A Day Off, Boys/Taylor Hill/Getty Images
Speaking of social media, Twitter CEO Elon Musk has apparently been busy trying to pull off a big baby hopper with Ronaldo lately.
Pull yourself together.
Living the dream / GLYN KIRK / Getty Images
Do you know who iShowSpeed was a fortnight ago? If you did, please close this tab.
For Crying Out Loud/Gilter Fatia/Getty Images
what is wrong with you
These weird online personalities have to be together. Pietersen and Ronaldo certainly have.
He/she lives at Riddle/Getty Images.
With each passing day, each new Ronaldo quote sounds like it might have been tweeted by Donald Trump.
He may be orchestrating the interview now that he is no longer president.
Somehow, Cristiano Ronaldo was voted into the 2021/22 PFA Team of the Year.
Someone decided not to interfere and rig the voting.
Eder fires Portugal to victory / Alex Livesey/GettyImages
Eder’s once-in-a-lifetime Euro 2016 winner – which happened when his talisman was injured on the touchline – hit the world with just how spectacular Ronaldo’s international career has been.
Those who were there will remember it as the worst international tournament ever.
‘Oh I’m Ali Dai I like to score a lot of goals too’ / Eurasia Sport Images/Getty Images
Sticking with international football for a moment, Ronaldo might have been full of his relentless stat-padding had he not been chasing (and eventually beating) Ali Dyay’s goalscoring record.
Benzema has improved without Ronaldo/Orleans Menier/Getty Images
While Ronaldo has been in rapid decline, a former Real Madrid teammate has thrived in his absence, making the leap from Los Blancos sidekick to superhero and even winning the Ballon d’Or.
Who knew he could develop Real in the post-Ronaldo era?
There are said to be 99 Premier League players with a higher in-game rating than Ronaldo in Football Manager 2023.
He probably took it personally.
Sarri continued for one year at Juventus / Marco Bertorello / Getty Images
Maurizio Sarri just let Ronaldo waltz about Juventus like he owned the place.
Any chance to show some authority, boss?
House of Bad Ideas / Marco Caneiro / Getty Images
Juventus built a reputation as a threat to Barcelona and Real Madrid under Max Allegri. The aim of adding Ronaldo was to get them over that hump.
Instead it drove them backwards. He reached the quarter-finals with only Ronaldo. Andrea Agnelli, your experiment failed.
The greatest evil / Wolfgang Kähler/Getty Images
“Not just because I play good football, I think the rest is relevant – you have to be charismatic. I think good looks also help. I don’t know the real reason but I’m competitive, A strawberry people want. That’s what I tell you first, I have good things you can sell your product but you have to manage the obstacles in your life.”
What is he talking about?
Rooney is a big man Utd legend, funny enough / Etsuo Hara/GettyImages
Ronaldo clearly feels threatened by Wayne Rooney’s fine form. Why else would he call out his former partner for validating criticism?
I’m not naming names but… / Mike Hewitt/Getty Images
That inner circle of friendship is dwindling after Ronaldo went to war with Gary Neville, but the job isn’t done. His actions are indefensible.
Yes it will / Matthew Lewis / Getty Images
As already pointed out, it’s incredible that Ronaldo managed to emerge as the most insufferable man in a room that included Piers Morgan.
Smiling through the pain / Philip Schmidley / Getty Images
Ronaldo has been chasing Lionel Messi for the past 15 or so years with the belief that he will catch him, fueling his unparalleled work ethic.
Give it a rest my friend. It’s not happening.
It was recently/Dan Mullan/Getty Images
He swooped in to get Ronaldo from Sporting CP.
It made him what he is today.
He was at the forefront of Ronaldo’s mind when he decided to return.
I hope you are happy, Sir Alex.
Photos taken before the disaster/Charlie Crowhurst/Getty Images
that smile. That damn smile.
Manchester United had a good thing going under Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Ronaldo torpedoed all that progress, but the Norwegian signed him.
Welcome Back / Craig Mercer / MB Media / Getty Images
You didn’t think we’d forget you, did you, Ed?
A place on the podium, just for you!
This is Manchester United Football Club we’re talking about here / Visionhaus/GettyImages
Ronaldo shouldn’t get ‘fair enough’ to point out Manchester United’s failings as a club (this is Manchester United Football Club we’re talking about, after all).
The Red Devils’ shortcomings, highlighted indeed by bringing him back to Old Trafford, are well documented. He is now trying to make his position at the club unassailable.
That said, United knew what they signed up for.
Here it is / Socrates Images / Getty Images
But ultimately, there is only one party to blame, and that is Ronaldo himself.
It is his fault that he lacks self-awareness, that he cannot see that he is a major reason for the recent decline of Juventus and Manchester United, that he has not honed his skills in this part of his career. .
Unfortunately, Ronaldo’s only chance to look in the mirror will be self-lust rather than inward.